Thoughts..

So with everything going on in my life right now you would assume that there are tonsss of things on my mind! You're right! :] Its stressing me out to no end too. Here's the list:

1. First I want to start off by thanking EVERYONE for helping make my graduation awesome! It was such a humbling experience to know that THAT many people would come to support me. My family and friends are AMAZING! I love them!! <3

2. I NEED TO FIND A SECOND JOB FOR THE SUMMER.

3. I NEED TO FIND A TEACHING JOB AS WELL
- With that I need to fix my resume and write a cover letter!

4. I need to take care of all the money, thank you cards, and organize all my stuff for teaching.

5. I wanna find an apartment and set a plan!

6. Now for the things on my mind.....

Missing things: Why is it I still find myself caring about certain people that I clearly can tell aren't my true friends. Its always been a competition for friendship.. Like who can stay friends with or rekindle old friendships the most. Who can host the best BBQs, have the most friends, most money, best pictures, funnest times, nicest house, get married.. it just all seems so fake and forced. I guess my problem is WHY DO I FREAKIN CARE?! I don't associate myself with those people anymore.. but I still find myself missing those friendships. Missing those people. Don't get me wrong, the people I have in my life are the best friends I can have, I just miss things and I can honestly say I don't know why I do. I chose this all.. I chose to not be friends with them anymore.. But when I go to someones wedding even after not being "in" the wedding.. and she cant even congratulate me when I graduate from college, it hurts. Whatever.. I'm moving on from that time in my life. All they are are memories.. great ones.

I'm still the same: When it comes to jealousy, not trusting, etc. This is something that I have tried so hard to change. I HAVE NO REASON right now to feel this way.. Its about everything, old friendships, material things, relationships... idk.

I'm a grown up: but I wanna stay a kid! For forever! lol. I want to be able to go to Spokane for the summer to visit my dad, Julie and Savy. I remember when I was young it got to a point when I wouldn't go as long.. or as much.. now I wish I could. I want to spend all the time in the world with my family. Having all my family here in AZ was my favorite... its one of the most important things to me now. My dad always said that back when I was 16, "One day you'll realize how important your family is. They are the only ones who will be by your side and love you." He was right.

I feel like I have so much more that's on my mind but I don't know what or how to express it. I know that even when feeling like this, like everything in my life is crazy, I am VERY lucky. I have a great family, friends, an amazing boyfriend, a college degree, plenty of money, food, water, air, bed, clothes, a job.. so I count my blessings. Because for what God gave me I am extremely thankful for.